GTA 5

Sorry I haven’t been around much (ok at all): I’ve been busy with stuff.  I appreciate that this is rather evasive as excuses go and that may seem unsatisfactory but that’s the only excuse you’re getting.  Anyway, I’m back....

Sooo not much of note has happened, apart from the usual recession related crap and I’m presuming that you really don’t want to read about that.  Or maybe you do.  Either way, I don’t want to write about it so you will have to go elsewhere for your fix of doom.

Of course, two weeks ago they released Grand Theft Auto, much to the delight of nerds everywhere.  To be honest, I haven’t played the game so I’m not entirely sure what the point in it actually is.  From what I understand, it revolves around shooting at people whilst driving badly: something that nerds everywhere probably wish they could do and get away with.  Ah if only.

I’ve heard many complaints about the game, mostly from abandoned partners of GTA obsessed nerds.  I am one such partner as mine is, right at this moment in time, barricaded in the study playing the game whilst I am typing up this blog post and listening to Alice Cooper.  Rock and roll.  Anyway, I seem to be in the minority of partners who is actually relishing the freedom that this game has bestowed upon me.  Below is a list of freedoms that have come about as a result of the boyfriend’s newfound obsession:

1.       Eating on the sofa.  My boyfriend normally hates this so I try not to do it when he is around or conscious enough to notice what I’m doing.  However, not only has he barely left the study in the past two weeks; when he has left he is so focused on his game that he’s not really paying attention to what I’m doing.  Therefore, I can actually eat my meals on the sofa without him noticing.

2.       Watching bad TV.  In an attempt not to appear too inane, I tend not to watch anything that has been broadcast by channel four or five in the presence of my boyfriend.  This means that I usually have to wait until he is out before I dare tuck into any guilty pleasures and even then I am always a little worried that he might reappear before my programme has finished.  However, now he is distracted by GTA I can watch such gems as “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding” and “The Undatables” until my heart’s content.

3.       I can leave my stuff lying around the house knowing that he will have neither the time nor the concentration to tidy it away.

4.       He’s not around to nick my chocolate, Doritos and other confectionary.

5.       I can write facetious blog posts safe in the knowledge that he is far too busy to read them.

6.       Endless happiness.  My boyfriend is currently experiencing unprecedented levels of euphoria and I HAVEN’T HAD TO MAKE ANY EFFORT.  I’ve not had to go out of my way to be nice, buy gifts or massage his ego.  He is just happy.  And I haven’t had to do anything apart from leave him in front of a games console to stare at a screen and moan in pleasure every few seconds.  This appeals to my emotionally lazy side.

I’m sure there are more benefits to this new addition to this household but I’m far too lazy to try and think of them just now.  Back to “Don’t Tell The Bride” or whatever drivel channel 4 are currently broadcasting.