Sssssh

It is an oft repeated gag: elderly relative bursts forth with some very un PC comment in a room full of people, which probably includes those who belong to the group being mentioned/ discussed.  More often than not, it is their very presence that has inspired comment.  For example “Oooo look Jenny, there’s a (insert offensive term here).”  Shocked at their apparent lack of embarrassment and self censorship, you desperately try to tell them that they shouldn’t say such things whilst glancing around to make sure that nobody overheard.  You are conflicted.  On the one hand, you know that such words/ phrases are offensive and shouldn’t be said at all, let alone in public.  Yet, granny is 86 and such words were not deemed offensive in her formative years.  When she was growing up gay meant happy rather than homosexual.  Words that we now consider racial slurs were probably nothing more than descriptive terms.  No harm intended.  Furthermore, she’s got this far and lived her life using these words and isn’t liable to change at this late stage.  So does this mean that we should merely accept it when older people use language that we deem to be sexist, racist, homophobic etc?  Is age really a valid excuse for saying things that other people may find offensive?

The reason I ask is because an eighty year old soap star is currently being slated for saying that victims of sexual abuse are paying for sins committed in past lives.  Not surprisingly, this has caused outrage, particularly amongst victims of abuse and organisations that support them.  However, there are those who are leaping to his defence and stating that he should not be vilified for this abhorrent point of view because of his age.   Call me a social fascist if you like but I don’t think that age is any excuse, unless of course there are other underlying medical things going on (such as Alzheimer’s or autism).  To me, if a person fully understands what they are saying and what is going on in the world around them then they are responsible for their behaviour.  This rule should apply whether the person is eighteen or eighty six.  To say that they are simply too old to change is ridiculous.  As humans we never stop learning and part of the learning process involves adapting to the changing world around us.  It may well be disconcerting to learn that certain words, customs and beliefs we were brought up with are redundant or no longer acceptable but that’s life. 

If we want a more tolerant and accepting society we need to challenge prejudice wherever we find it, even if it feels mean or uncomfortable to do so.  I mean, you can challenge without being offensive or condescending.  You don’t have to necessarily have to treat them to a lecture about how not to behave in public but it is always a good idea to patiently explain that some people may find their words offensive and/ or upsetting.  Of course, if you do this you lay yourself open to being criticised for being intolerant.  You may even get the whole “I fought a war so that we could all be free to talk the way we like” speech.  And yes, this may be the case.  I am not for a second disputing that the older generation have made and continue to make a valuable contribution to society.  However, this does not exempt them from having to consider the possible ramifications of what they say.  Just like the rest of us, they should (as far as is reasonable) ensure that what they say does not offend and upset other people.  Surely this is not too much to ask of anybody.