Every so
often a story makes it into the news that makes you question whether
you have tripped over and stumbled into some parallel universe where
absolutely nothing makes sense and everything contravenes all that
you previously understood to be normal, rational behaviour. The most
recent example was the story about the five year old boy who was sent
an invoice for £15.95 for failing to attend the birthday party of a
classmate.
This begs
many questions, the main two being: why was this even in the national
news (by extension, why am I even blogging about it) and why would
anyone spend £15.95 per head on a party for five year olds? I'm not
saying that five year olds don't deserve to have fun, particularly
when it is their birthday. What I am saying, however, is that they
would probably enjoy and value a much simpler set up with a group of
friends, simple buffet food and fun party games just as much, if not
more, than something more pricey and lavish. Of course, some of the
other parents with whom you're competing may disagree with this but
that's their problem. Your child's party is not and should never be
about trying to impress anyone other than the child whose birthday it
is. Let's face it, very young children do not have any concept of
how much things cost and will therefore not feel obliged to be
impressed by something that has cost a small fortune to plan and
execute. We've all seen and heard of toddlers and young children
who, upon Christmas Day, prefer to play with the box over and above
its overpriced content. This is probably because children have
something called an imagination and enjoy making up their own
realities and narratives rather than becoming overly involved in the
material realities that surround them. It is adults who care about
the cost and appearance of things, not children. OK, I'm willing to
conceded that many older children are into doing big, expensive
activities but small children? No. Small children just like kicking
back, running round and eating whatever the hell they like whilst in
the presence of friends. That is what children value. I'm not
getting at parents for wanting to make a child's birthday special and
memorable. However, I cannot help but wonder whether there is a
certain amount of competitive parenting at work here? Although not a
parent myself, I do have friends who are and they tell stories of
parents competing with regards to the virtues of their offspring and
the holidays, gifts and parties that their said offspring can hope to
enjoy thanks to their amazing parenting. One of my friends told me a
dreadful story about how she had put a lot of time and effort into
making a special birthday party for her little boy, only to overhear
a group of parents bitching about how the music wasn't very good and
how the whole party seemed “cheap.” This had, understandably,
upset my friend who had done her absolute best to give her son a
happy and memorable birthday only to have other parents (not
children) berate her for it. If this demonstrates one thing other
than the rudeness of some people it is this: children's parties have
become too much about the parents and not enough about the children.
It has become more about parents showing off to each other than
giving a child a happy birthday. And so it is with these parents.
You see,
the grievance is between the parents not the children. At the very
worst, the birthday boy may have felt a little miffed at being let
down but would have then perked up and had fun with his friends who
had turned up. I very much doubt he would have clung to the grudge
had his parents not chosen to make an issue of it in the way that
they did. One of the many virtues of small children is that they do
not hold grudges in the way that adults do. It is the adults here
who are at fault. Of course, the parents of the no-show should have
done the considerate thing and let the parents of the birthday boy
know that he would be unable to attend, rather than just not showing
up. According to the version of the story I have read, they did
not have contact details for birthday boy's parents, which has to be
one of the lamest excuses I have ever heard. For one thing, why
would you not put contact details on an invitation when you want and
expect people to respond. Furthermore, we live in the age of mass
communication. Even if you don't know somebody's contact details,
somebody else in your circle more than likely will. Could these
parents not have thought of a way of finding said contact details or
relaying the message to the parents another way? They could have,
for example, got one of the other parents to contact birthday boy's
family on their behalf or slipped a message into birthday boy's
satchel. However they chose to communicate the message would have
been much more considerate than just not letting them know at all.
Having
said that, I'm not in favour of billing somebody for not showing up.
It just seems petty and, despite birthday boy's parents saying that
it's not about the money, it makes it precisely about the money. I
understand that there is a principal here and there may well have a
point in that when you say that you will attend an event you should
either honour your word or let the host know that you will be unable
to do so. That is basic consideration, which is something that many
people seem to think is lacking in today's self centred society. I
am all for expressing your disappointment when you've been let down
by somebody but I question the way that these parents went about
doing it. Aside from the financial issue; there is also a feeling
that this is underhand and, yes, immature. Why was it that these
people did not feel able to approach the other parents and have an
open discussion with them about why they and their son were
disappointed? I can wager that this would have probably been much
more effective than simply slipping an invoice into a child's school
bag. Who knows? The parents may have even offer to pay up or make
it up to the birthday boy another way. Instead you have two sets of
parents dominating the news and social media with their adultish
falling outs and two little boys who will probably grow up to be very
embarrassed about their parents' behaviour.
